EnnisP, Author at NowTHINK!AboutIt

Living Is Counseling

January 1, 2019 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

You Can Be Neutral
Only If You Declare Your Neutrality

In most cases, counseling is something that happens only when necessary and is usually arranged by special appointment. People who require counseling for non-medical reasons are dealing with problems stemming from past experiences and those problems are effecting the quality of life in the present.

That’s the short explanation, what we’ve been led to think, but it raises an important question. How do people avoid problems in the first place?

The counseling process is complicated. In fact, it’s mysterious because humans are complex and experiences, both good and bad, add to that complexity. We’re not as normal as we like to think, or even worse, maybe we are.

The most popular version of counseling is after-the-fact crisis management. It’s the solution we turn to not because we have a problem but because the problem, undetected heretofore, has been around long enough for us to reach overload. It’s entrenched and won’t be easily dislodged. Counseling, where we hope to find the answer, is more like a slow and tedious untangling process than a quick fix. There’s no pill for this.

The process includes a bit of self-discovery, others discovery, and experience analysis. These three elements are the basic influences in every person’s life. They teach us how to think and act.

But what I just described is only one type of counseling. The people who provide it are professionals and it only takes place after the fact. It’s corrective, not prophylactic.

The Bigger Picture

But what about the rest of life? How do people learn to believe in themselves or not? Why do some people develop a fear of water? When do people become afraid of crowds? What influences these outcomes?

Nature plays a part but only a small part. The website, Very Well Mind, provides a short list of 98 phobias. It’s only a partial list but it’s long enough to show there aren’t enough natures to go around. The bigger causes must be found elsewhere.

Medical News Today says,

It is unusual for a phobia to start after the age of 30 years, and most begin during early childhood, the teenage years or early adulthood.

They can be caused by a stressful experience, a frightening event or a parent or household member with a phobia that a child can learn.

And there you have it. It’s more about timing than nature. All the input is external and happens in the most formative years. Nature is not the culprit. Phobias are nurtured.

Both good and bad qualities, strengths and weaknesses, are being shaped by people and experiences.

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Counseling Happens Everyday

Counseling happens 24/7 in everyday life. Living is counseling. If you’re alive, you’re counseling and being counseled.

There may very well be times when a special problem arises that requires professional attention, but at all other times, I am counseling others by the way I live. The way I manage money, time, relationships counsels others in how to manage these things too.

Everything I do, everything I say and every attitude I entertain sends a message to those around me. I am counseling everyone around me, and everyone around me is counseling me.

It isn’t intentional, but it is real.

The more influence one has, the more their counsel takes hold.

What About Moral Issues

We like to think we can live our own lives completely to ourselves and separate from everyone else without interfering, intruding or asserting influence. Not so! [Read more…] about Living Is Counseling

Mercy Is Not A Synonym For Salvation

December 10, 2018 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Universally Offered
Individually Accepted

God made a curious statement to Moses in the Old Testament (Exodus 33:19), and Paul repeats it in the New Testament not once, but twice. The first repeat is found in Romans 9:15.

I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.

Though the wording is slightly different, the second is in verse 18.

The topic is Mercy and the context is Service in both passages.

It’s an interesting statement because it sounds restrictive, as if God is selectively rather than generously merciful. Makes it sound like some are in and some are out.

Interpretations vary but some take it to an extreme suggesting there is no rhyme or reason, no formula for who receives mercy and who doesn’t. God shows mercy only to a select few and reveals no reason for the choices He makes.

If you’re lucky enough to receive mercy, be grateful. If not, sorry.

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The Romans passage does mention specific people: Ishmael and Isaac, Esau and Jacob. Even nations are named: Gentiles and Israel. And sure enough, in each pair, one is selected and the other is left out. [Read more…] about Mercy Is Not A Synonym For Salvation

Pick Your Hospital First – Gateway Is A Good Choice

November 17, 2018 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Great Doctors Are No Better
Than The Staff
Who Surround Them

I doubt anyone includes hospitals in their top ten list of most desirable places to visit but whether by accident or pre-planning, it is a visit everyone makes, probably more than once.

Not counting my birthday, I’ve been in the hospital six times myself and I’m neither sickly nor accident prone. Hospital visits happen quite normally. It’s inevitable so it only makes sense to know your hospitals before you go.

That isn’t a choice we usually make but maybe it should be.

When looking for good medical care, most begin by asking folks to recommend doctors. It’s not a bad plan but that It isn’t the best strategy.

GP’s and specialists are usually attached to a hospital. If you need hospital care, it will be done in whichever hospital the doctor is contracted with. Once you’ve picked your doctor, you’re locked in which means choosing a doctor is choosing a hospital. They come together as a package so you might ask about hospitals as well as doctors when investigating.

After experience with a few different hospitals, I now ask for doctors who have excellent reviews and who work in hospitals with the same reputation. A doctor, any doctor, can be great but their performance is no better than the staff who surround him or her and hospitals, like doctors, aren’t all equal.

One procedure, even a minor procedure, involves many people and processes. All you need is one weak link and you have a formula for undesirable outcomes.

When weak links are apparent, it is scary to watch. And you’re witnessing the whole thing except when you’re out.

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Tale of two hospitals

I’ve used two hospitals over the past year. One, Umhlanga Rocks Hospital, I’ve been in three different times. The other, Gateway Private Hospital, I visited just a few days ago for vascular surgery and what a difference. The experience at Gateway gave me some interesting insights and spurred me to write this comparison.

The two hospitals are so close geographically you could throw a stone from one and almost hit the other. But geography is the only metric in which they are close.

Gateway is relatively new so in the early days, Umhlanga was the closest hospital for folks in our area. It made logistical sense to go there.

The differences between the two institutions are numerous and they diverge significantly as the following comparisons will show. All these observations are based on personal experience. I’ve been in both hospitals. My wife has been in both hospitals. I know others who have been in both hospitals and there’s consensus. One is stellar, the other not so much! [Read more…] about Pick Your Hospital First – Gateway Is A Good Choice

Bible Election And The Case Of The Frozen Brain

November 2, 2018 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Question 7 of the Westminster Short Catechism asks:

What are the decrees of God?

I guess it’s a good question but the catechism gives no indication as to why they ask or why it’s important. Seems a bit mysterious.

I’m curious as to why they mention “Decrees” at all. The word doesn’t feature widely in the Old or New Testaments so you’re left wondering, but not for long. The catechism’s answer to this strange question takes a huge leap from the mysteriously broad to the philosophically outrageous:

The decrees of God are His eternal purpose, according to the counsel of His will, whereby, for His own glory, He hath FOREORDAINED WHATSOEVER COMES TO PASS.

The answer gets right to the point but instead of clearing the air, it leaves you confused and fretful, not to mention shocked!

Did they really say God ordained “Whatsoever comes to pass?”

If you’re a thinking person and you extend this short statement to its logical end, many difficult questions arise. So many, in fact, that the brain freezes up like a PC. It becomes a hailstorm of inquiry.

Did God really foreordain murder, mayhem, genocide, abuse, corruption, oppression, natural catastrophe and so on? The inferred meaning is impossible to miss. It’s also difficult to accept.

It really boils down to just one question. Are horrible things really a part of God’s will and has His personal counsel guided events to such conclusions?

And if the answer to that question is yes, you are compelled to ask an additional question. How can these horrible things possibly glorify God?

Amazingly, and in spite of the logical implications, those who hold these beliefs are unfazed. The unfortunate but unequivocal response to “Are you sure about this” is “Yes! Everything that happens is in sync with God’s predetermined will!”

And if in the interest of clarity you should inquire further, the rationale becomes a bit circular.

Everything happens and is foreordained by God in order to serve His eternal purpose and to glorify Himself, and because it is for His own glory, it’s all arranged by the counsel of His own will!!

In other words, everything is God’s will because God wills it to be so.

There’s even a simple explanation for those who are stumped by an intellectual impasse or two along this thought path.

God is beyond our understanding and does as He pleases whether we understand it or not.

No problem!

That, of course, isn’t an answer. This entire discussion implies many uncomfortable characterizations of God which are difficult to swallow but don’t be too disturbed. According to Paul, we can be sure God will not deny Himself. He will not do things contrary to His character (2 Tim. 2:13). [Read more…] about Bible Election And The Case Of The Frozen Brain

Marriage And Change Are Synonymous

December 22, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Refusing To Change
Stunts One’s Growth

I’m married. I like being married! It’s great and I wouldn’t change a thing.

My wife is a beautiful person, an incredible woman, a wonderful partner, and a great friend – as in best. I am grateful every day that she accepted my proposal and loves me still.

I actually joke that God partially blinded her for life on the day I proposed.

But I think we are lucky. Not every marriage is happy. Marital experience can range anywhere from bliss to dysphoria. In extreme cases it’s dangerous.

That’s a strange thing to say. You don’t associate danger with something God intended to make us secure but we all know it’s true. Something as potentially wholesome as marriage can become a war zone.

The real question has to do with change, though. People change people. It’s a fact. There’s is no such thing as a neutral relationship. Every person within emotional/intellectual/cultural range exerts influence.

And that applies to all people, not just family: neighbors, schoolmates, friends (close and not so close), teachers, employers, fellow employees, colleagues and more.

Accents illustrate the point. Everyone has an accent but no one has any recollection of trying to form one. It just happens. We become like the people around us.

We don’t even know where accents come from but accents are evidence that each one of us is influenced by the people around us whether we want that or not. This truth has both positive and negative effects.

One bully can bruise your psyche for life, the negative. One good teacher can unleash your possibilities, the positive.

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But what about marriage? Is any relationship closer? Should we be surprised that marriage changes us in the deepest and most profound ways? Hopefully in good ways but, good or bad, marriage changes you. You must expect it and be open for it to happen. It works best when we approach it with the right attitude. [Read more…] about Marriage And Change Are Synonymous