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Contemplating Marriage? Answer These Questions!

September 27, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Strong relationships avoid the erosive effects of slight irritations by focusing on the positives.

Praising Your Partners Good Qualities
Inspires More of the Same

Unfortunately, there are no perfect couples. Some couples may be perfect for each other but because marriages are only inhabited by imperfect people none can be absolutely perfect.

What that means is . . .

Quietly lurking in the background at every wedding are the faults that each person brings to the union. We all have them.

Couples aren’t too bothered by them before they marry because love is in the air. People attending the wedding don’t pay much attention to them because they are focused on how handsome the couple looks and all the reasons they make such a great pair.

But over time the balance changes.

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Once we move away from the altar and settle into a routine the things each partner loves about the other get taken for granted and irritations are felt.

It isn’t serious initially. First offenses usually register as nothing more bothersome than a drop of rain.

But if the couple doesn’t learn to process those drops effectively they mount up.

One drop a day over two weeks isn’t serious.

One drop a day over 30 years adds up to more than 10,000 drops, approximately 500 kilograms. That is a lot of “heavy” for one relationship to bear.

Because of that, every couple contemplating marriage should ask two questions. [Read more…] about Contemplating Marriage? Answer These Questions!

Filed Under: Christian Living, Divorce, Family Tagged With: 1 Pet. 4:8, 1 Pet. 5:5, anger, enemies, Eph. 4:26, faults, humility, love, marriage, marriage conflict, marriage irritation, Matt. 5:44, Phil. 4:8, wedding ceremony

Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

August 28, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

The voice of experience can't compete with the voice of ridicule.

Your Tone Of Voice
Says It All

The following sentiment has become the mantra for all good parenting and every interested parent has made this statement, or something like it, in the process of raising their kids:

I want my children to have a better life than I had.

And one of the ways parents help their children attain a better life is to help them avoid all the mistakes they made themselves. They assume that “mistake free” is equivalent to better. On the surface it sounds smart. Inwardly it feels good.

The reality, however, is that children managed by this rule are not better off. Instead of being better at life they are emotionally inhibited, stunted, crippled or lacking sensibility. Which means guarding them against disheartening moments might do more harm than good. Like many responses to charitable needs, the protective approach to parenting is a short term, knee jerk response which creates long term damage.

We feel better after force-guiding our children around every tripping point but does this make them better at managing life or just more managed? Over-navigating a child’s life might save them from some immediate “toe stubbing” but can it encourage them to develop the watchfulness and maneuverability to avoid future crashes or manage them well if they can’t?

The truth is, the one thing children will not always have is a watchful parent warning them and steering them away from every life sapping experience. And the one lesson every child needs to learn is how to accept and manage their mistakes well.

Parents earned their wisdom through hard knocks. It made them stronger and smarter and they shouldn’t rob their children of the same opportunity. Second hand wisdom isn’t easy to swallow and every wise person knows that… [Read more…] about Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

Filed Under: Christian Living, Parenting Tagged With: Child raising, children, courage, experience, good character, good parents, mistakes, parenting, parents, protecting children, wisdom

“Children Need Little Attention” – John Rosemond

June 16, 2011 by EnnisP 2 Comments

Every individual is important but no more so than any other.

Chapter Review
“The Parent-Centered Family”

Child raising is a science, an art, a project, a responsibility and a privilege.

It requires nurturing skills, intelligence, prayer, time, energy, determination, intentionality and desire.

Sounds daunting but not too worry sacrificing oneself is not required.

In fact, John Rosemond says parenting done properly is not all consuming and the process can be quite rewarding for both parent and child.

In the very first chapter of his book, The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, an updated and expanded version of the classic he wrote on the topic, he says families should be parent-centered rather than child-centered. What a relief!

…The most destructive myth ever manufactured and sold to parents…but almost universally subscribed to…children need lots of attention.

John says, “the secret to raising happy healthy children is to give more attention to the marriage than you give to the children.” He also suggests that giving your children too much attention is like over feeding them and we are just as responsible to limit the amount of attention they receive as we are to manage their intake of food. Excessive amounts of either can have disastrous effects.

These aren’t his words but he implied that giving a child too much attention turns them into self-absorbed individuals with over inflated opinions of their importance to society. They become all consuming social parasites. Everyone must constantly hear them, see them and/or entertain them.

John does say that the more attention a parent gives a child beyond what they really need, the less capacity they develop for: [Read more…] about “Children Need Little Attention” – John Rosemond

Filed Under: Christian Living, Parenting Tagged With: attention, Child raising, childbearing, children, parenting, quality time, raising children

The New Six Point Plan For Raising Children by John Rosemond

June 13, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

A good parent is at least a thoughtful parent.

Clearly Written, Argued Philosophically
And Substantiated By Science

The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, is an updated and expanded version of John Rosemond’s classic text on raising children.

Although John is a qualified psychologist who specializes in working with parents, children and families, much of his insight comes from raising his own children, Eric and Amy. Though his ideas are not fashionable, they aren’t new and he argues his points powerfully and illustrates them generously with anecdotal material from his experiences as a parent and a psychologist. You won’t find a more thoughtful and clear presentation of practical ideas for raising children.

He introduces the book with strong arguments for changing the way we approach parenting and then suggests six basic ideas to relieve parenting pressure and help each of us be more effective:

  • His forward, Read This First, argues that “the ultimate purpose of parenting is to help children out of our lives.” That idea alone is worth its weight in gold but is usually hidden behind all sorts of other sentimental child raising ideas and rarely gets a mention.
  • The Parent-Centered Family in which he argues that constantly lavishing attention on our children is like giving them far too much food.
  • The Voice of Authority suggests that children can and should obey their parents and he makes it clear that “asserting authority” does not qualify as “abuse.”
  • The Roots of Responsibility suggests that children only learn from their failures – which are inevitable – if parents don’t protect them from the consequences.
  • The Fruits of Frustration makes it clear that it is OK to say “no” to our children instead of meeting their every whim. Frustration is a normal part of every life and leads to desirable outcomes when managed well.
  • Toys and Play points out that an overabundance of toys often leads to “boredom” in our young. “Play” should be the outcome of imagination. It comes from the inside and is not induced by external input.
  • Television and Children argues that the amount of time a child watches TV – excessive according to surveys – is just as damaging as the themes we try to avoid.

Every chapter ends with a series of questions related to the chapter theme and answered by John. The book also has a closing and ends with Rosemond’s Bill of Rights for Children.

The book is clearly written, well argued philosophically, substantiated by science and includes plain old practical everyday wisdom which many psychologists have buried beneath new age ideas and clouded with semantics.

If you care about your kids, and what parent doesn’t, read this book. You might not agree with everything John says but you will have to work hard to prove him wrong. The book will challenge your perspective even if it doesn’t change it.

As always, you can get it inexpensively through Amazon.

THINK!AboutIt

Filed Under: Christian Living, Family, Parenting Tagged With: attention, authority, bill of rights for children, character, Child raising, children, family, frustration, John Rosemond, molding kids, parenting, parents, responsibility

Book Review: The Sacred Meal by Nora Gallagher

May 25, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

It’s A Meal

If you are looking for a strictly theological analysis of Communion then The Sacred Meal by Nora Gallagher is not for you. But, if you are interested in fleshing out this ancient practice from a human perspective you won’t find it done any better in any other book.

Although theology is exciting to every minister, especially those in waiting, without a measure of humanity, like doe without yeast, it just doesn’t rise. Instead of melting in your mouth it breaks your teeth.

Yes, theology is significant but when not well mixed with life it becomes academic, cold, hard, stiff, mechanical, single dimensional and pretty much useless for anything other than a verbal fist fight. Nora illustrates that without saying it.

Don’t get me wrong. Nora doesn’t bypass theology. She is preacher-in-residence at Trinity Episcopal Church, Santa Barbara – otherwise known as Anglican – and is familiar with all the arguments associated with this ordinance (sacrement) but instead of joining in the usual fray associated with this tradition she speaks from the heart, draws on her own experience and touches the human side of the issue.

And she does this in spite of the fact that no other denomination observes the practice more monotonously than Episcopalians. Every service, every week. Instead of offending anyone’s theology she broadens the view and gives it a fuller perspective. [Read more…] about Book Review: The Sacred Meal by Nora Gallagher

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Christian Living, Theology Tagged With: Anglicanism, Anglicans, Catholic church, ceremony, communion, Congregational church, Episcopalianism, Episcopalians, eucharist, grace, Lord's Table, Nora Gallagher, ordinance, sacrement, salvation, the Lord's supper, theology, Trinity Episcopal Church

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