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Divorce – Is It Really A Sin?

February 19, 2011 by EnnisP 4 Comments

In Defense of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

Can It Be More Sinful
To Stay Married
Than Get Divorced

Divorce is a touchy subject and has been for a very long time.

General discussions on the topic will often generate friction – especially in religious circles.

When it happens between people we know, conversations are hushed as if something terribly sinful has happened.

Whispered responses and righteous posturing, however, serve no biblical purpose. It only evokes a sense of condemnation in those breaking-up and that, on top of the negative feelings already caused by the experience.

Heck, even people trying to support parting couples feel tainted.

But in spite of popular ideas to the contrary, divorce is not the bad-dy some people make it out to be and should not be viewed as sin. Divorce “may” be caused by sin but should never be considered a punishable or shameful offense.

Controversial statement, I know, but if divorce was a sin God would never have written it into law.

Remember this. Marriage was designed for sinless people in a perfect world. Those conditions no longer exist. The only marriage candidates left are sinful people and the world is no longer a museum of family values and virtue. We shouldn’t be surprised when marriages wobble and we mustn’t become judgmental when they fall part.

Marriage was NOT designed to handle the pressures brought on by one bite of the forbidden fruit. Something else was needed to do that – divorce.

Divorce was legislated as a means of alleviating some of the pressures. It is the safety valve, so to speak – the humane way of dealing with the problems that arise when two human natures – both sinful – are united in one relationship. Even when one person, for sinful reasons, decides they can no longer remain in the marriage, divorce is still a solution for the other. Who would want to stay where they aren’t wanted.

No, I’m not suggesting that every failure can now be excused because we are sinners. I’m saying that divorce, which is not a sin, was created as a means of graciously managing unbearable, sometimes unsafe, marriage situations.

And contrary to what is commonly suggested, the problems that follow a divorce are not caused by the divorce. They are only reflections of the pre-divorce state of the marriage and they are compounded by culturally generated condemning attitudes, usually condescendingly expressed, by friends and family.

Whatever we do in response to divorce should be helpful. Unfortunately, our responses often add to the hurt and divorce gets the blame. [Read more…] about Divorce – Is It Really A Sin?

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: abuser, criminal, divorce, divorce controversy, divorce problems, marry too young, sex offender, wife beater

Is Divorce Allowed In The Old Testament?

December 21, 2010 by EnnisP 2 Comments

Moses instituted the bill, divorce was common before and after.

Marriage Is The Issue
Not Divorce

Divorce is definitely allowed in the Old Testament, even for silly reasons.

Disclaimer: Divorce is not being encouraged here but the reality is, it does happen. Realism demands we allow for it and graciously work with those who experience it. A first step in accomplishing this is understanding what the Old Testament actually says on this topic.

If divorce was not allowed ever, under any circumstances, we would expect to find the Bible clearly stating this fact or at least indicating the rare conditions under which it is only occasionally allowed. What we find is quite different.

Casually Described

The Old Testament plainly says divorce is allowed and puts very few restraints on when and why this option may be exercised. In almost a casual manner, Deuteronomy 24:1 makes the following remarks…

If a man marries a woman and then it happens that he no longer likes her because he has found something wrong with her, he may give her divorce papers, put them in her hand, and send her off.

If there were any restrictions disallowing divorce they would surely have been mentioned here. Instead, we find nothing. Divorce is described as just a matter of procedure and the only condition – he no longer likes her because he has found something wrong with her – is extremely broad. It could mean anything from she’s a serial murderer to she’s overweight.

Marriage, Not Divorce, Regulated

The only regulation in the passage applies to marriage, not divorce. The passage goes on to say, if wife “A” is married and divorced by husband “A” and then is later married and divorced by husband “B” she is not allowed to remarry husband “A.” Frivolous marriage is being disallowed not “senseless” divorce.

It is important to note that Moses instituted only the “Bill of Divorcement” not divorce. Divorce was widely practiced before Moses and could be quite barbaric. Remember that Abraham tried to get rid of Sara twice, albeit in a way that looked out for her material well-being. In both cases, he tried to unload her on another man, not the street, and both men were well off, to say the least.

Women could be “thrown out” with no required procedure and no legal repercussions to the man. And since the culture – not God – allowed men to have multiple wives, he could marry a second woman while the first woman was still viewed as married. Not only would others not know the rejected woman was now available but she now had to fend for herself.

The divorce ruling was gender-driven. It brought a little more fairness to a seriously abusive cultural trend, particularly for the ladies. God was taking special measures in the early stages of social development to protect the fairer sex from the abuses of men.

Moses’ “Bill” offered official proof that the first marriage contract was aborted and she could now be married to another.

Both the “Bill” and the regulation disallowing the wife’s remarriage to husband “A” were designed to protect property rights and security issues, again for the wife. These laws had nothing to do with allowing or disallowing divorce or remarriage.

Divorce was a fact of life then and is still a fact of life today. Instead of hammering people who navigate this difficult experience with pontifications about the sanctity of marriage we need to graciously provide support.

That was Moses’ approach and he was led by God in the matter.

No Condemnation Attached

Also, if divorce was seriously damning, as some people suggest, we would certainly expect to find this clearly stated. Instead, there’s not even a hint of condemnation to be found in this passage or anywhere else. [Read more…] about Is Divorce Allowed In The Old Testament?

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Old Testament

Abraham Committed Adultery Got Divorced

December 26, 2009 by EnnisP 11 Comments

Was Hagar another woman or another wife?

Marriage Connections
Are Both Legal
And Personal

Some people make the assumption that Abraham’s relationship with Hagar did not constitute adultery because the biblical text refers to her as his wife.

And the presentation of Hagar to Abraham even has an official tone, like a wedding ceremony:

“Sara…gave Hagar to her husband Abraham to be his wife.” Genesis 16:3

So, Sara’s suggesting the arrangement in the first place followed by her official presentation of Hagar makes it sound like a genuine marriage.

But was it really?

A superficial reading might imply this but a thorough consideration of the text suggests otherwise.

There are actually several things to consider: adultery, marriage and divorce.

Adultery

Some suggest that adulterous “do’s and don’ts” were neither defined nor explained to Abraham so we can’t accuse him of adultery. We can’t hold him responsible for information he didn’t have.

But nowhere in the Bible is a technical definition of adultery provided. We have the word and we know the definition but Abraham had the word, and the definition long before we did.

The first biblical mention of the word didn’t occur until the Ten Commandments (Ex. 20:14) but it surely was understood long before that. After this it is used no more than 37 times (KJV). Some versions have less.

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That means, of course, that our definition of adultery is insinuated from the text and the primary text is found in Genesis chapter two where the first wedding is recorded. [Read more…] about Abraham Committed Adultery Got Divorced

Filed Under: Abraham, Divorce, Family

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