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This Week In Divorce – India’s Arranged Marriages

August 18, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Free-Choice and consequence are the seeds of a fertile life.

Engagement And Marriage
Represent One Of The Most
Emotionally Charged Periods
In Family Life

I’m not an expert on Indian marriage but Utpal Dholakia, native to India but resident in the USA for more than twenty years, can speak with authority on the subject and has.

His recent post on Psychology Today (Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful? 24Nov2015) poses a very interesting question and implies, without actually saying it, that arranged marriage – the method of choice in India – may have the answer to today’s divorce dilemmas.

Although he clearly states he is NOT suggesting arranged is a better option than free-choice, it is definitely implied. The spirit of the article seems to contradict his disclaimer.

It’s an interesting theory, but I’m not convinced. His arguments start out weakly and get worse.

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Before I say more, please understand that I am not talking about Indians in general. I’m not even bashing India. As Utpal points out, India is modernizing at an incredible rate on many levels and that is to be applauded.

I’m also not poking at Utpal, although his article did provoke this response.

I’m questioning the wisdom of endorsing an approach to love and marriage that has a long history of abuse and control. I think we should modernize the perspective a bit.

So, to my response. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India’s Arranged Marriages

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – Illegal In The Philippines

August 4, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

This Week In Divorce

From Wedding Costs
To Filipino Divorce

David Baker, a former daily newspaper journalist now working as an Anglican minister in Sussex, England, and writing for Christian Today – not to be confused with Christianity Today – bemoaned the amount of money spent on weddings.

He argues – almost intones – that Jesus never mentioned “at any stage” the many things we associate with modern weddings.

I’m sure you know the list:

White dresses, ushers, best men, confetti, bridesmaids, rings, hats, vintage cars, printed orders of service, bouquets, banns, registers, receptions, honeymoons, discos, speeches and very tall men who seem to stand at the back of every wedding service I take and eyeball me while refusing to sing.

Jesus also never mentioned toilet paper, and most of the people I know haven’t read too much into that. Thankfully! [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – Illegal In The Philippines

Filed Under: Divorce, Law, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – Amicable Or Volcanic

July 21, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

How solid is marriage when only one is happy?

Divorce And Joust
Are Not Synonyms

Jason Levoy, The Divorce Resource Guy, offered insightful reasons why divorce is hard even if you have an attorney. His article, is posted on Huffington.

Jason is a divorce attorney, coach and advisor who assists people who can’t afford attorneys with the divorce process. Divorce can be difficult but according to Jason can happen expeditiously and with less expense if attorneys coached more and officiated less.

It’s a novel idea. He may have a point.

A few of his salient points are: [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – Amicable Or Volcanic

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Marriage

New Review For In Defense of Divorce

July 14, 2016 by EnnisP 2 Comments

In Defense of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense of a Life

This Week
In Divorce

In Defense Of Divorce just got a new review. This one by the inimitable Bruce Hunter.

No one says it quite like Bruce and that’s not surprising. He holds a honors in English Lit, which means he’s spent a lot of time in the words of others. With all his exposure to what’s been said and how, he’s developed an interesting style of his own.

You may not be interested in the book but the review is worth a read.

You can find his review here.

Elsewhere

Fiona Reddan of the Irish Times reported that Ireland, which has one of the lowest divorce rates worldwide, has seen an increase in divorce among those over 60. One very interesting theory for the phenomenon, suggested by family law solicitor Marion Campbell, is retirement.

When the breadwinner retires, problems can start arising when the husband is suddenly at home all the time and the cracks become fissures.

It’s common knowledge that retirement brings it’s own difficulties so it isn’t unreasonable to say soft spots in the relationship are magnified under the added pressure. Add to that the fact that Irish law no longer sees marriage as hardened-in-cement and you can understand why traditional ideas are crumbling.

The elephant in the article was religion. It wasn’t mentioned but the dam of religious control in Ireland is obviously breaking against the tide of disenchantment.

Also. [Read more…] about New Review For In Defense of Divorce

Filed Under: Christian Living, Divorce, Marriage

Catholic Divorce Waters Disturbed By Pope

July 4, 2015 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

In Defense Of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

Pope Requesting
Relaxation On
Catholic Divorce

Pope Francis has made several public statements on divorce since being elected to the Catholic Church’s highest office and his comments are creating quite a stir. Instead of the usual punitive tone, he’s forgiving and understanding and compassionate. He isn’t the first to speak generously on the topic but since he is the most powerful, he can’t be quietly ignored.

It is welcome news! Unfortunately, it comes after centuries of what can only be described as psychological abuse.

The long standing Catholic teaching on divorce is any divorced person whose been remarried cannot take communion in the Catholic Church. That is a scary thought if you happen to believe what Catholics teach about heaven, hell and purgatory.

But since the Pope has spoken, Catholic leaders are debating whether or not divorced and remarried Catholics should be allowed to take communion. It is definitely a positive turn of events but the clerics get no credit for thinking logically or forwardly or compassionately.

The debate was inevitable. Circumstances forced it. Logic was not a factor.

In this case Reality gets the credit.

Barna data suggests the number of divorced Catholics is perilously close to 30%. Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate estimates the number of USA Catholics who have been divorced and remarried without annulment is 4.5 million. That doesn’t include divorced folks who haven’t remarried.

You don’t have to be very clever to realize you can’t treat such a large number of congregants like unwanted infections and expect widespread peace. That’s a lot of squeak to ignore.

Of course, if the ramifications were clear it wouldn’t be so bad, but when it comes to communion and divorce, confusion reigns.

A few divorced individuals can take communion. The squeaky clean ones. The ones whose marriages were worse than an inquisition in the middle ages. But these can only partake if they’ve never been remarried, or in the unhappy event they have remarried, they must agree to remain celibate even though married or get the first marriage annulled.

All other divorced individuals know they can’t take communion. That part is clear. What they can’t be sure of is whether or not getting to heaven at the end of their journey is possible. Some say it is. Others aren’t so encouraging. No one seems to be certain.

To be fair, Catholics tend to be hazy about anyone getting to heaven. The best any Catholic can do is aim for Purgatory and hope the stay is short.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting Catholics won’t go to heaven, at least some of them anyway, but they tend to be uncertain about the idea and candle makers love it!

I’ll talk further about the relevance of communion shortly but that’s not the only issue. The angst is made worse by the complexity of all the other divorce regulations.

A good example are the rules governing Church Membership for the divorced. We know they are treated differently but a look into Cannon Law reveals just how big the difference is. The following conditions on divorced membership illustrate the tangle. [Read more…] about Catholic Divorce Waters Disturbed By Pope

Filed Under: Divorce, Marriage, Religion

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