NowTHINK!AboutIt

Avoiding Hackneyed...Making Sense

11 Negative Friendships To Avoid

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Friendship and Conversation are to some degree synonymous.

Friends Are Rarely
Saints
Friendships Rarely
Emotional Utopias

The word Friend, like the word Family, has been romanticized. It evokes idealized images of a perfect world and warm fuzzies for all.

The assumption is, a true friend can only be upright and a friendship can only be good for us. The reality is, again like family, a friendship can sometimes be very bad.

But we can’t allow that possibility to put us in a permanently guarded state. Sometimes the friends we make are the only ones available. They’re in our face, so to speak. We don’t have a choice so we make the best of what’s available.

Imperfect friends and friendships can still be very good. What we must avoid are the extremes.

Defining The Negative Friendship

All friendships have hurtful moments but an abrasion here or there doesn’t make it negative. A friendship becomes negative when it is more hurtful than beneficial over the long haul.

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Personality is an issue but not absolutely. A person’s nature is built in and is neither intrinsically good nor bad. An idiosyncrasy that irritates some people will be endearing to others.

From the examples that follow it is clear that negative is a character issue and that is what spoils the mix.

One reason we gravitate to these not-so-good-for-us friendships is they are like crutches. They reinforce our disabled thinking, and that begs the question. How many people really want to change? How many of us intentionally choose friends because they are good for us and not easy. Having friends who endorse our faults relieves the pressure.

Like the song says . . .

Some of them want to abuse you and some of them want to be abused.

It’s easier to stay as we are, and people who allow that are good for the friendship even if the friendship isn’t good for us.

That’s not how friendships are supposed to work but it does happen.

The truth is Friendship implies Equality, and good ones involve give and take. I wouldn’t say friendships will ever be absolutely equal, or absolutely good for us, but there should be a balance.

The following emotionally unbalanced extremes are ones we should avoid. [Read more…] about 11 Negative Friendships To Avoid

9 REAL Truths About Family And Friends

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Families should be proving grounds for developing interpersonal skills.

No One Is Automatically
A Friend Or Enemy
Not Even Family

It’s very easy to think of friends and family as two different things. We inherit family and we choose friends, but can they migrate? Can one ever be the same as the other?

The Bible mentions three different categories of individuals other than family:

  • Friends
  • Enemies
  • Everyone else in between

But the relationships we have with people are dynamic. No one is born a Friend or Enemy. Instead everyone starts out in the middle, neutral, and then moves one way or the other. We might illustrate it like this:

Everyone starts out neutral and then moves in one direction or the other, even family.

Family is not represented on this graph and rightly so. No family member automatically fits into any one of these categories. There’s overlap as the following illustration shows.

Family can fit into any one of the three categories.

Obviously, we tend to think of family members as “like” friends, but are they really?

We also never associate family with enemies even when the comparison is justified.

Definitions Are Vague

I’ll share a few examples of family members who became enemies just now but before I do, a good question to ask is: Can “Family” really be defined?

“Family” is more than just a word. It’s a concept, a very broad concept. The finger print of each family can be as different to all other families as individual people are to all other people. Each individual in the family helps form the loops, whorls and arches that make up those prints.

The possible variation in individuality is huge.

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There are basic similarities, yes, but that is about the only thing you can define, the similarities. In fact, most definitions don’t even do that. They usually define the similarities we imagine, the ones we hope are true, the ideal.

Let me give you an example: [Read more…] about 9 REAL Truths About Family And Friends

Sickness Is Inevitable – God Uses It

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God neither causes nor prevents illness but uses it to bring out and/or shape character.

God Uses Illness
To Heal Us
In Different Ways

Mention John chapter 11 and most people think of Resurrection. No surprise there. The chapter records Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead and most sermons on that chapter focus mostly on that event. It’s the dominant topic. It’s hard to study the chapter and not think about resurrection but it’s also obvious. Maybe there is something else in the chapter we should look for.

If we poke the context a little, other lessons might surface. [Read more…] about Sickness Is Inevitable – God Uses It

“Talent” Is The Starting Point

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Raw talent's natural threshold is exceeded only by developing nonheritable qualities.

Never Waste Talent
And Never Assume
It’s All You Need

Talent is inborn. Everyone has it but not in the same way.

One person can run fast. Others, to big to run well, can move heavy weights around. And others have no physical talents to speak of but they can draw or paint incredibly well. All of them, however, have limits.

It’s easy for a naturally fast runner to beat average runners in a foot race but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll be the fastest runner in the big races, e.g., the Olympics. Earning that label requires hard work. It’s an achievement. It won’t happen only with raw, undeveloped talent. Those who can run fast must develop that ability if they are to run faster than all other naturally fast runners.

But what must one do to reach that goal? The most talented runners, the ones allowed to compete in the big races, are those who develop nonheritable qualities, like determination, patience, discipline and more. Raw talent alone just isn’t enough.

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