Controlling All Outcomes
Robs Children of Opportunities
To Develop

As I said before, good parents begin with the end in view and ask pertinent questions about where the parenting process is going. What do you want your kids to be like? What qualities do they need to have? One obvious answer to those questions is “responsible.” We want our kids to be responsible people.

Well, “responsible” is a rather broad description. It doesn’t give us too much detail so I’ve included the following ideas to break it down a bit. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Third of 4R’s – Responsibility, Part 2

Failure Is The Teaching Moment
Consequence The Teaching Tool

You can’t teach responsibility in a classroom.

You can teach the theory. You can define the words but you can’t convey the real meaning of responsibility outside of experience, which involves two things we don’t like very much. The first one is consequence. It is the primary teaching tool.

The second one is failure. You don’t have a consequence unless you have a failure, which means failure is a part of the formula too. That might sound discouraging but when you do the math, the emotional math, it works.

Failure plus consequence equals “Aha!” I get it! But the formula doesn’t always compute because parents add another element to the equation, protectionism. It changes the outcome completely. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Third of 4R’s – Responsibility, Part 1

Routine Focuses On The Goal
Scheduling Focuses On The Clock

Of all the words you could choose to describe good parenting “Routine” is one of the least attractive. Everyone knows that routine is constructive but the word is often associated more with “boring” or “monotonous” rather than “useful.”

The problem may be caused by the fact that routine is identified with time management and schedules, which can be a bit overbearing at times. Some people are so tightly scheduled there is no room for spontaneity at all. Fortunately, routine living and scheduling are not the same as the following comparison shows: [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Second of 4R’s – Routine

Chirping Is Like Sniping
It Hits The Mark
But Kills The Target

Chirping was my Dad’s parenting style, and he did it a lot but don’t get me wrong. I mean no disrespect. I never doubted he loved me and he did many things to show it.

From what I can tell, though, many parents employ the chirp and they, like him, are really good parents in many ways. These are not bad people.

My father, for example, provided all the basic things a family needs.

A roof over our heads, good nutrition, access to good schooling, good medical care and great dental care. In fact, the dentist was the best in our city. No lie. I have fillings today that are over 50 years old. They will outlast the ivory. Also, to my great delight, every Christmas I got everything I wanted and more.

He was a good father but one area in which he didn’t do so well was chirping. That doesn’t mean he was bad. It means he was imperfect and that’s Okay because there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

I tried to honor him by remembering all the great things he did and there are many good memories. But I also honored him by trying to isolate his parenting mistakes and improve on them.

I’ve told my kids the same. Don’t mimic me. Copy the things I did well and improve on what I did wrong.

There’s nothing worse than a father who thinks he can do no wrong. Authenticity is a great relationship tool even between parents and children.

Well, as I mentioned, one thing my Dad did wrong was “Chirp” and he did it a lot. Here’s what I mean by that. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Don’t Chirp