NowTHINK!AboutIt

Avoiding Hackneyed...Making Sense

Review: The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

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In The Five Love Languages Dr. Chapman departs from academic definitions of love, which are mostly intellectual and therefore cold, and discusses what he refers to as “emotional” love. This is the romantic kind often portrayed in novels and movies and rooted in our psychological makeup.

He also popularizes the concept of the “love tank” which, though unseen, every person has. The level to which this tank is filled determines how loved a person feels and this in turn produces in them a sense of significance, self-worth and security. Or not.

When the love tank is full, he says, your spouse “will move out to reach his highest potential in life.” When it is empty you will find yourself sleeping with the enemy.

This tank is filled when one partner loves his or her spouse in the right way, i.e., the way they want to be loved and love can be expressed in one of five different ways which he refers to as languages. Each person responds to only one of those languages primarily. The most important point of the book is…

A person can feel unloved even when their partner has good character and does many apparently loving things. They feel loved only when their spouse identifies their particular love language and learns to speak it well everyday.

Simply stated the five love languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

Dr. Chapman suggests that many failed or failing marriages could be revitalized if the couples would identify and learn to speak their mates love language. It almost sounds too good to be true but he backs up his claim with examples of couples he has coached through this learning process successfully.

Several of his clients refer to the effect as “miraculous” and from the descriptions, some of them seemed hopeless. [Read more…] about Review: The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5

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Jesus gave us a rule of thumb to gauge when divorce is appropriate.

Was Jesus Writing
A New Rule
Or Confirming An Existing One?

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus made some very interesting remarks about divorce:

It has been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32

And by these remarks He threw everyone into a tailspin. Or at least it seems that way judging from the many diverse – and bizarre – interpretations imposed on the text.

Not A New Rule

Many people treat His statement like a completely new and inflexible rule that was intended to draw an indelible line in the sand, and anyone crossing the line is eternally doomed. But this can’t be the correct understanding.

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Jesus was clarifying an Old Testament statute not writing a new one and the clarification represents no modification on the original ruling which, by the way, was quite liberal. You can read about the Old Testament teaching here. For now consider the following:

  • Any understanding of what Jesus said in the New Testament starts with what was said in the Old – the context in which divorce was first introduced.
  • Suggesting Matthew 5 disallows divorce and/or remarriage totally ignores the Old Testament or at least reshapes it beyond recognition.
  • If you honestly accept the context of the Old Testament, in which divorce was freely allowed, you cannot then think Jesus was fabricating restrictions that disallowed both divorce and remarriage, a complete reversal.
  • What Jesus essentially said – if adultery doesn’t occur before divorce it occurs after – changes nothing. That outcome is equally true in both the Old and New Testaments.

There aren’t enough word studies and grammatical arguments to erase these facts and whatever studies one produces are trumped by context every time anyway.

What Is Adultery

For the record, traditional definitions of adultery and fornication, which Jesus did not agree with, are: [Read more…] about Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5

Tithing On Limited Income

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Tithing For Today: Why Tithing Is Good For Everyone In Every Era

Jesus Identified With Sinners
Some Of Whom
Were Quite Wealthy

With recent employment trends in the US going south, leaving a larger-than-usual number of people reliant on unemployment income to make ends meet, budgets are being radically adjusted.

Unemployment benefits are designed to supply only about half one’s normal income and in many cases it works out to be less. Obviously, under these circumstances some expense items have to go.

Since tithing’s status as a fixed expense is regularly debated in good times, it is no surprise that it is scrutinized even more closely during the bad. And most of the discussion focuses on one question:

“Should those living on unemployment benefits, hand-only-reaching-mouth-at-a-stretch, tithe?”

Not only are responses numerous they are often emotional.

We shouldn’t think that strange. It is inevitable that emotion would seep into any arguments about money. Contrary to what people like to think, we love the stuff. We love to keep it – meaning spend or hoard – or we love to brag about giving it away. The more we have to keep or give, the more attached we become to our pet ideas about managing it.

The arguments we put forth in support of our beliefs are no less emotional than the crazy perspectives we entertain about the filthy stuff.

Christianity Today, in their usual approach to dealing with searching questions about pressing needs, has offered three articles from three different perspectives addressing this very question. All of them are interesting. One, however, takes the emotional “cake.” [Read more…] about Tithing On Limited Income

Sincerity Is Not Salvation

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Cornelius was a very interesting person. The Bible actually says he was so convincingly devout that his family followed in his steps. He also gave generously (much) to charitable needs, he feared God and he prayed constantly. He was trusted and had influence with many people.

The least you could say about Cornelius is he was sincere. It was in response to his sincerity that God spoke to him in a vision and on the basis of that fact alone we conclude that sincerity is important.

  • The quality of every relationship is measured by the sincerity of those involved.
  • Sincere people are honest and trustworthy. The opposite is duplicity, i.e., operating with ulterior motives and hidden agendas.
  • Sincere people never say one thing while intentionally meaning another. When they disagree with others they are honest about it without being disagreeable.
  • Sincere people are forthright. They say exactly what they mean and mean exactly what they say.
  • Sincere people look for truth, they don’t try to reshape it.
  • A sincere person can never knowingly be compromised.
  • Insincere people are complacent about error and glib toward truth. They aren’t so easily led by God.
  • God responds to sincerity.

But being sincere does not automatically make you Christian and Cornelius’ experience proves it. You can read his story in Acts 10.

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Cornelius is just one example among many of someone who was very sincere long before becoming Christian. Nicodemus, Lydia and Apollos are a few more. These are people whose sincerity wasn’t contaminated by self-serving opinions. A stubborn person who is sincerely wrong may never find the truth or accept it when found. These examples were neither self-serving nor stubborn. [Read more…] about Sincerity Is Not Salvation

Christian Condition VS Christian Living

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Christians can be bad. Unbelievers can be good.

Being Christian-Like
Is Not The Same
As Being Christian

This post answers the question, “Why are Christians sometimes more sinful than non-Christians?”

And the answer is found in understanding the difference between Christian Condition (salvation) and Christian Living (character). Or to put it more simply, salvation VS character.

I say “VS” because these two ideas don’t blend. And this really is the crux of the issue.

The right “condition” – salvation – should, in theory, produce better “character” but that doesn’t always happen, at least not so we can tell it, and it never works in reverse. Good character never produces salvation. They are two entirely separate issues. Both can and do happen apart from the other.

Nicodemus developed good character as an adult long before and apart from his salvation. Fortunately, he did eventually get saved but his salvation was not an outcome of his character and, sadly, there are many “good” people who don’t get saved. Nicodemus had many associates who missed their opportunity.

Christians often justify marrying unbelievers because they are “very good.” It is the “good” part that makes them attractive in spite of being lost. In some cases these good people eventually become Christian and in some they don’t but being “good” had no bearing on the outcome either way. Good character makes them easy to marry and live with. It does nothing to change their “condition.”

The reverse is also true. It is possible to become a believer and never catch up entirely on the character scale. David with his polygamy and adultery is a good example.

This is an important discussion because you often find non-Christians – in some cases atheists – living on a higher moral plane than Christians. You also find varying degrees of integrity among believers. Some have great qualities and others need a lot of growth.

But, the truth is…

“Christian” is not synonymous with “good” any more than “unbeliever” is synonymous with “bad.”

And the Bible has many examples of people who were good before they became believers. [Read more…] about Christian Condition VS Christian Living