“Hate”
Figurative Or Absolute
Does God really hate divorce?
That’s a good question and the Bible accommodates us with what seems to be a very direct answer:
“For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce…” (Malachi 2:16)
But what does that really mean?
- How literally are we to take this statement?
- Does God hate divorce absolutely? Is it to be banned forever?
- Or does God hate divorce like we hate bad days? We don’t like them but accept them as inevitable.
There are several reasons to suggest “hating” divorce is not the same as “disallowing” it.
Translation Issues
Very little is said about it but it is worth noting that the translation of Malachi 2:16 is a point of contention among scholars.
The New International Version follows the standard approach:
“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.
But the English Standard Version changes the entire dynamic of the verse.
For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts.
Instead of God saying “I hate divorce” it is changed to “the man who does not love his wife.” In other words, the husband is doing the hating not God. Both translations agree that divorce can be acrimonious – violent.
Admittedly, most translations agree with the NIV but there is a reason for this other than pure academics.
The first English translation to be widely circulated – and to feature the “God hates divorce” rendering of the text – was the King James Bible and it was translated in an era and by clerics dominated by anti-divorce sentiment. Consider the following facts:
- The first official printing was in 1611 which means most of the translation work was done within 50 years of the Church of England breaking with the Church of Rome.
- The break came because King Henry insisted on an annulment (Catholic divorce) of his marriage to Catharine of Argon in the hopes of siring a male heir.
- Many of the translators, though protestant, were still influenced by Rome-ish sentiments toward marriage-divorce-remarriage.
It is no surprise, then, that they opted for a very anti-divorce reading of the text.
It is also no surprise that most English translations followed suit.
Ever since, protestant attitudes toward marriage have been heavily influenced, unwittingly, by Catholic teachings. So most of the new English translations have “kept the faith” so to speak. It always “feels” safe to stay with what you know.
But, even if the “God hates divorce” translation is accurate there are still reasons to reject extreme interpretations.
When Abused, Divorce Creates More Pain Than It Was Intended To Relieve
Through Moses, God placed one limitation on divorce which wasn’t seriously restrictive. All a man needed do was write out and give to his spouse a document declaring his intent to end the marriage. Apart from this, no other procedures or reasons for allowing/disallowing divorce were mentioned.
And before Moses, only men could leave their wives. Even as late as the New Testament, prevailing opinions did not afford women the same legal status as men. The Bible didn’t disallow women this right but culturally she needed the backing of a father to initiate proceedings.
What is “assumed” by the brevity of this legislation is that divorce would be based on reasonable grounds but whatever the grounds, reasonable or not, it had to be better than stoning. Remember that stoning or any other kind of execution was regulated not instituted by the Bible. Divorce was regulated to soften the cultural trends of the day.
So, the picture is: Divorce was the compassionate answer to stoning.
Note: Joseph, thinking Mary had committed adultery, did choose divorce over stoning but in this case they were only engaged and not actually married. Although engagement was equally as binding as marriage it was far less intimate and, in Joseph’s thinking, didn’t require such extreme measures. Divorce in that situation was the compassionate thing to do. The Bible even says Joseph chose this course of action because he was a good man, meaning considerate, decent and kind, suggesting, of course, that divorce was intended to relieve pressure and much more humane than stoning.
What was understood, but not restated in Moses’ divorce regulation, was the nature of a marriage relationship. God described it in Genesis 2 as a man and woman becoming one.
Based on this brief description we understand that marriage involves an invisible but personal connection between the marriage partners on every level and such connections are not easily broken. They were originally intended to last forever.
We must NOT assume, however, that these connections are unbreakable. Marriage was designed for saints not sinners. The resulting flaws in human nature following the fall placed pressures on the marriage which it was not designed to bear. In other words, what God designed for our good – marriage – could potentially become intolerable and in such cases divorce offered a degree of relief. Who wouldn’t admit it is better than stoning.
Before Moses, divorce was initiated with nothing more than, “I can’t take this anymore, you’re out.” The “bill of divorcement” was introduced to bring a degree of civility and order to this unhappy transaction, making it a little more tolerable. Instead of seeing it for what it was, human nature turned it into a get out of jail free card, with the option to play it at the first disenchanting moment.
What God hated was not the institution of divorce but the extent to which it had become abusive. It had degraded from “a sad but allowable exception” to “the craze” culturally. Men getting married in Malachi’s day were encouraged to see divorce as immunity against any unforeseen disappointment.
The response of the disciples illustrates this truth.
When Jesus challenged the Pharisees’ free-license approach to divorce, the disciples were incredulous. Essentially their response was, if we are not free to get rid of a wife for any reason whenever, “it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10).
And this attitude prevailed in spite of the laudatory ways in which women were characterized in various books of the Old Testament, Proverbs and Song of Solomon to name a couple.
Unfortunately, women were much more abused by these transactions in Bible days than today.
- Women could not easily initiate or counter divorce proceedings.
- There were no alimony laws.
- Women had very limited occupational options.
- Childlessness, one reason for divorce, meant there were no children to take care of an elderly divorcee.
- Unscrupulous business men could easily take advantage of these castaways.
The unbounded license with which men exercised their right to divorce was cruel in the extreme and that is what God hated.
The Figurative Use Of The Word “Hate”
“Hate” is one of those words we often use figuratively to add emphasis to our feelings and we claim to hate all kinds of things: the way we look, the way we feel, the weather (too cold, hot or wet), different foods, styles, jobs, music, traffic, books, movies, inconveniences etc.
We also express hate toward people: neighbors, co-workers, school mates, celebrities, politicians, parents, police, teachers, siblings, children, the doctor, the dentist, the preacher and so on.
Some hates, loudly proclaimed, become social movements: prohibition, anti-war, abolition, women’s right, etc.
Fortunately, in most cases it is nothing more than hyperbole. We exaggerate the point just to make sure people hear us or believe us. Kids don’t really hate their parents or want them to die. When the circumstance passes and tempers cool, love returns.
Unfortunately, humans do have the capacity to be hateful and when left unchecked that hate sometimes escalates to violence. When we read the word “hate” in the Bible, however, especially when attributed to God we must resist the temptation to interpret it from a human perspective.
God is love not hate. He isn’t vindictive or spiteful and He doesn’t change. He uses the word to make a literary point not to institute a rule and He did this more than once.
- God also said He hates the Sabbath.
God not only said He hated the feast days (Sabbaths) but He despised them:
I hate , I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies, Amos 5:21.
How shall we interpret this statement? Turn it into a hard fast rule or understand it in context?
He stated that same sentiment in Isaiah 1:14:
Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hates: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.
But here is the question. It’s rhetorical. Did God hate the concept of the Sabbath or the misuse of it?
The Sabbath was an original part of creation. It was the first principle instituted and was to be observed in perpetuity. How could God use such strong language against a most favored observance? And the answer is He was expressing distaste for the way it was distorted not for the institution itself.
Using the same logic we understand that God didn’t hate the legal mechanism of divorce but only the way in which it was abused. God recognized the fact that some marriages can become seriously troubled, damagingly so, and made provision for a decent way to bring relief, divorce.
Truthfully, it is just as abusive to disallow divorce on any grounds – along with remarriage – as it is to encourage divorce just for any passing whim.
Help In The Time Of Trouble
The saddest truth of all is the fact that taking a hard line position on divorce and remarriage means you can’t help when marriages are in trouble other than to insist “you can’t get divorced.” People who experience divorce still need encouragement to find normalcy afterward but they get very little support from people whose mantra is, “God hates divorce.”
Conclusion
Divorce is an unfortunate reality in human experience. The only way to eradicate it is to make all humans perfect and that won’t happen this side of heaven.
As long as imperfection reigns divorce is one possible outcome and it is missing the point to suggest God does not understand this.
THINK!AboutIt
Recommended Books
Many couples work very hard planning their wedding, buying how-to books and consulting professionals. Well, the same should be true when planning a divorce. Both require diligent, intelligent planning. Don’t let pain or sadness keep you from doing the smart thing. Learn from your past and plan your future.
And DIVORCE 101: A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO DIVORCE
If you prefer a digital copy, Tracy’s book can be downloaded here and the download comes with several free bonuses to help you get through your divorce wisely.
Tracy also put together a website, WomansDivorce.com, which provides helpful articles from a wide range of professionals – and variety of perspectives – relating to every stage of divorce. She also has a blog in which many ladies share their experiences.
If you are a young woman, only a few years into marriage and facing inevitable divorce…AND you need a friend, this book is for you. Reviewers have painted it as food and solace for the hurting soul:
“This book was like an old friend, comforting me, guiding me through the process, assuring me that everything I was feeling was normal and to be expected.”
“It gave me hope that I might one day be happy again.”
“I was looking for something that spoke to me, in a girlfriend type of tone, not a preaching tone and this (book) was perfect.”
“Reading this book is like having my best girlfriend sitting next to me encouraging me that what I’m about to go through will only make me stronger and that I WILL in fact survive and be better off for it and a MUCH happier person!”
The book doesn’t claim to take the place of therapy and doesn’t encourage divorce but provides real support for those who find it unavoidable.
If your marriage is failing and you don’t feel loved but you aren’t quite ready for divorce court yet, your problem might be more solvable than you think. In The Five Love Languages
He explains that even two good partners can easily fall out of love if they don’t learn how to love each other properly, in the right”language.” The adjustments are not difficult and languages are easy to understand. Many call his approach miraculous. Get the book. It’s a small price to pay to save a marriage.
Leave a Reply