NowTHINK!AboutIt

Avoiding Hackneyed...Making Sense

Contemplating Marriage? Answer These Questions!

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Strong relationships avoid the erosive effects of slight irritations by focusing on the positives.

Praising Your Partners Good Qualities
Inspires More of the Same

Unfortunately, there are no perfect couples. Some couples may be perfect for each other but because marriages are only inhabited by imperfect people none can be absolutely perfect.

What that means is . . .

Quietly lurking in the background at every wedding are the faults that each person brings to the union. We all have them.

Couples aren’t too bothered by them before they marry because love is in the air. People attending the wedding don’t pay much attention to them because they are focused on how handsome the couple looks and all the reasons they make such a great pair.

But over time the balance changes.

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Once we move away from the altar and settle into a routine the things each partner loves about the other get taken for granted and irritations are felt.

It isn’t serious initially. First offenses usually register as nothing more bothersome than a drop of rain.

But if the couple doesn’t learn to process those drops effectively they mount up.

One drop a day over two weeks isn’t serious.

One drop a day over 30 years adds up to more than 10,000 drops, approximately 500 kilograms. That is a lot of “heavy” for one relationship to bear.

Because of that, every couple contemplating marriage should ask two questions. [Read more…] about Contemplating Marriage? Answer These Questions!

Divorce Help For Women

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Generally, people have no idea what a divorce involves.

They focus mostly on the “right and wrong” of getting a divorce and a large number opt to oppose the idea for any reason. It is generally not well accepted, especially in religious circles, so the practicalities of getting a divorce are usually ignored.

While some divorces can be avoided and we applaud couples who manage to stay together, not every marriage can be saved. And, if that is true then we should put as much time into helping people get through a divorce effectively as we do helping them to avoid it. Little, however, is offered in that regard.

Often friends, associates and even family continue to express regret over the breakup, after the fact, which only feeds the pain and does little to help the struggling party get on with life.

It is no wonder that divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through. Not only are they dissolving one of the closest relationships in life, they are left hanging with very few understanding friends who are willing or able to meet their emotional needs or provide guidance. That is tantamount to losing support from every direction.

But that is where Tracy Scorzafava’s book comes in handy.

In DIVORCE 101: A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO DIVORCE Tracy provides emotional insight and practical support for those navigating a divorce and she is writing from experience. She’s been there and in her experience: [Read more…] about Divorce Help For Women

Judgments On Divorce – 1 Corinthians 7

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In Defense Of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

A Proper Reading
Of The Bible
Encourages Good Sense

The Bible is often treated like a list of inflexible laws, meaning every statement is applied as if it is a hard fast rule, no variation allowed.

Those who take this approach use the remarks of Jesus to reinforce the idea:

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. 19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:17-19

A quick reading might give the impression that Jesus endorses the “rule book” approach but a few verses later He said things that would challenge this idea. He actually moved a few legal goal posts.

  • Not murdering someone is a good rule to follow but avoiding getting angry with them is even better, 5:21-22.
  • Not sleeping with a woman, other than your wife, is a good rule to follow but not entertaining the idea is even better, 5:27-28.
  • Not committing the sins to which you are vulnerable is noteworthy but avoiding the situations which tempt you to commit those sins is even better, 5:29-30.
  • Taking no more than an “eye’s” worth of penalty for an “eye’s” worth of offense is a good rule to follow but taking less is even better, 5:38-39.
  • Not taking revenge on your enemies is a good rule to follow but actively loving them is even better, 5:43-44.

Obviously, Jesus saw the law as restrictive not prescriptive. It was designed to limit the expression of our human tendencies and prevent us from going too far in our zeal for justice. And His remarks change our perspective entirely.

Not only should our lust for revenge be limited by the law it should be replaced by love and taking that approach helps us focus on being more like God. Jesus clearly made that point.

That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven, 5:45.

Loving your enemies instead of hating them is the God-like thing to do and one purpose of the law was to help us learn this approach. It was designed primarily to inhibit our natural responses to sinful tendencies and offenses. It provides boundaries not step by step instructions. The law is a guidebook not a rule book.* [Read more…] about Judgments On Divorce – 1 Corinthians 7

Does God Really Hate Divorce?

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In Defense Of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

“Hate”
Figurative Or Absolute

Does God really hate divorce?

That’s a good question and the Bible accommodates us with what seems to be a very direct answer:

“For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce…” (Malachi 2:16)

But what does that really mean?

  • How literally are we to take this statement?
  • Does God hate divorce absolutely? Is it to be banned forever?
  • Or does God hate divorce like we hate bad days? We don’t like them but accept them as inevitable.

There are several reasons to suggest “hating” divorce is not the same as “disallowing” it.

Translation Issues

Very little is said about it but it is worth noting that the translation of Malachi 2:16 is a point of contention among scholars.

The New International Version follows the standard approach:

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.

But the English Standard Version changes the entire dynamic of the verse.

For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts.

Instead of God saying “I hate divorce” it is changed to “the man who does not love his wife.” In other words, the husband is doing the hating not God. Both translations agree that divorce can be acrimonious – violent.

Admittedly, most translations agree with the NIV but there is a reason for this other than pure academics.

The first English translation to be widely circulated – and to feature the “God hates divorce” rendering of the text – was the King James Bible and it was translated in an era and by clerics dominated by anti-divorce sentiment. Consider the following facts:

  • The first official printing was in 1611 which means most of the translation work was done within 50 years of the Church of England breaking with the Church of Rome.
  • The break came because King Henry insisted on an annulment (Catholic divorce) of his marriage to Catharine of Argon in the hopes of siring a male heir.
  • Many of the translators, though protestant, were still influenced by Rome-ish sentiments toward marriage-divorce-remarriage.

It is no surprise, then, that they opted for a very anti-divorce reading of the text.

It is also no surprise that most English translations followed suit.

Ever since, protestant attitudes toward marriage have been heavily influenced, unwittingly, by Catholic teachings. So most of the new English translations have “kept the faith” so to speak. It always “feels” safe to stay with what you know.

But, even if the “God hates divorce” translation is accurate there are still reasons to reject extreme interpretations. [Read more…] about Does God Really Hate Divorce?

Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5

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Jesus gave us a rule of thumb to gauge when divorce is appropriate.

Was Jesus Writing
A New Rule
Or Confirming An Existing One?

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus made some very interesting remarks about divorce:

It has been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32

And by these remarks He threw everyone into a tailspin. Or at least it seems that way judging from the many diverse – and bizarre – interpretations imposed on the text.

Not A New Rule

Many people treat His statement like a completely new and inflexible rule that was intended to draw an indelible line in the sand, and anyone crossing the line is eternally doomed. But this can’t be the correct understanding.

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Jesus was clarifying an Old Testament statute not writing a new one and the clarification represents no modification on the original ruling which, by the way, was quite liberal. You can read about the Old Testament teaching here. For now consider the following:

  • Any understanding of what Jesus said in the New Testament starts with what was said in the Old – the context in which divorce was first introduced.
  • Suggesting Matthew 5 disallows divorce and/or remarriage totally ignores the Old Testament or at least reshapes it beyond recognition.
  • If you honestly accept the context of the Old Testament, in which divorce was freely allowed, you cannot then think Jesus was fabricating restrictions that disallowed both divorce and remarriage, a complete reversal.
  • What Jesus essentially said – if adultery doesn’t occur before divorce it occurs after – changes nothing. That outcome is equally true in both the Old and New Testaments.

There aren’t enough word studies and grammatical arguments to erase these facts and whatever studies one produces are trumped by context every time anyway.

What Is Adultery

For the record, traditional definitions of adultery and fornication, which Jesus did not agree with, are: [Read more…] about Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5