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Does God Really Hate Divorce?

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In Defense Of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

“Hate”
Figurative Or Absolute

Does God really hate divorce?

That’s a good question and the Bible accommodates us with what seems to be a very direct answer:

“For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce…” (Malachi 2:16)

But what does that really mean?

  • How literally are we to take this statement?
  • Does God hate divorce absolutely? Is it to be banned forever?
  • Or does God hate divorce like we hate bad days? We don’t like them but accept them as inevitable.

There are several reasons to suggest “hating” divorce is not the same as “disallowing” it.

Translation Issues

Very little is said about it but it is worth noting that the translation of Malachi 2:16 is a point of contention among scholars.

The New International Version follows the standard approach:

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.

But the English Standard Version changes the entire dynamic of the verse.

For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts.

Instead of God saying “I hate divorce” it is changed to “the man who does not love his wife.” In other words, the husband is doing the hating not God. Both translations agree that divorce can be acrimonious – violent.

Admittedly, most translations agree with the NIV but there is a reason for this other than pure academics.

The first English translation to be widely circulated – and to feature the “God hates divorce” rendering of the text – was the King James Bible and it was translated in an era and by clerics dominated by anti-divorce sentiment. Consider the following facts:

  • The first official printing was in 1611 which means most of the translation work was done within 50 years of the Church of England breaking with the Church of Rome.
  • The break came because King Henry insisted on an annulment (Catholic divorce) of his marriage to Catharine of Argon in the hopes of siring a male heir.
  • Many of the translators, though protestant, were still influenced by Rome-ish sentiments toward marriage-divorce-remarriage.

It is no surprise, then, that they opted for a very anti-divorce reading of the text.

It is also no surprise that most English translations followed suit.

Ever since, protestant attitudes toward marriage have been heavily influenced, unwittingly, by Catholic teachings. So most of the new English translations have “kept the faith” so to speak. It always “feels” safe to stay with what you know.

But, even if the “God hates divorce” translation is accurate there are still reasons to reject extreme interpretations. [Read more…] about Does God Really Hate Divorce?

Review: The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

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In The Five Love Languages Dr. Chapman departs from academic definitions of love, which are mostly intellectual and therefore cold, and discusses what he refers to as “emotional” love. This is the romantic kind often portrayed in novels and movies and rooted in our psychological makeup.

He also popularizes the concept of the “love tank” which, though unseen, every person has. The level to which this tank is filled determines how loved a person feels and this in turn produces in them a sense of significance, self-worth and security. Or not.

When the love tank is full, he says, your spouse “will move out to reach his highest potential in life.” When it is empty you will find yourself sleeping with the enemy.

This tank is filled when one partner loves his or her spouse in the right way, i.e., the way they want to be loved and love can be expressed in one of five different ways which he refers to as languages. Each person responds to only one of those languages primarily. The most important point of the book is…

A person can feel unloved even when their partner has good character and does many apparently loving things. They feel loved only when their spouse identifies their particular love language and learns to speak it well everyday.

Simply stated the five love languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

Dr. Chapman suggests that many failed or failing marriages could be revitalized if the couples would identify and learn to speak their mates love language. It almost sounds too good to be true but he backs up his claim with examples of couples he has coached through this learning process successfully.

Several of his clients refer to the effect as “miraculous” and from the descriptions, some of them seemed hopeless. [Read more…] about Review: The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5

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Jesus gave us a rule of thumb to gauge when divorce is appropriate.

Was Jesus Writing
A New Rule
Or Confirming An Existing One?

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus made some very interesting remarks about divorce:

It has been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32

And by these remarks He threw everyone into a tailspin. Or at least it seems that way judging from the many diverse – and bizarre – interpretations imposed on the text.

Not A New Rule

Many people treat His statement like a completely new and inflexible rule that was intended to draw an indelible line in the sand, and anyone crossing the line is eternally doomed. But this can’t be the correct understanding.

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Jesus was clarifying an Old Testament statute not writing a new one and the clarification represents no modification on the original ruling which, by the way, was quite liberal. You can read about the Old Testament teaching here. For now consider the following:

  • Any understanding of what Jesus said in the New Testament starts with what was said in the Old – the context in which divorce was first introduced.
  • Suggesting Matthew 5 disallows divorce and/or remarriage totally ignores the Old Testament or at least reshapes it beyond recognition.
  • If you honestly accept the context of the Old Testament, in which divorce was freely allowed, you cannot then think Jesus was fabricating restrictions that disallowed both divorce and remarriage, a complete reversal.
  • What Jesus essentially said – if adultery doesn’t occur before divorce it occurs after – changes nothing. That outcome is equally true in both the Old and New Testaments.

There aren’t enough word studies and grammatical arguments to erase these facts and whatever studies one produces are trumped by context every time anyway.

What Is Adultery

For the record, traditional definitions of adultery and fornication, which Jesus did not agree with, are: [Read more…] about Jesus And Divorce, Matthew 5

Review: Words Kids Need to Hear by David Staal

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Words Kids Need To Hear by David Staal

Words Kids Need to Hear is another parenting-how-to offering by David Staal in which he explores seven key phrases or words every child needs to hear, words that strengthen the heart.

Although these words should be heard first and most from parents, they are universal. Every relationship can benefit by using these words sincerely, often, in the right context and in any language.
 

  • I Believe In you
  • You Can Count On Me
  • I Treasure You
  • I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me
  • Because
  • No
  • I Love You

The book isn’t long – 138 pages – but it is sufficiently deep to merit reading. Dave doesn’t hide the wisdom it contains behind excessive verbiage. Its pithy statements shoot right to the heart of the issue.

  • “Sometimes the words kids really need to hear are those they say to a parent willing to listen.”
  • Parents to children: “We will stand by your side when you make good choices and bad choices.”
  • “A world of difference exists between I congratulate you and I treasure you.”
  • “The skill to apologize and request forgiveness typically comes handed down from a parent or other close adult who models such behavior.”
  • “The words kids need to hear can also arrive as words they read.”
  • “It’s not your child’s responsibility to make you feel loved”…but…”few parents know how to transfer their heartfelt love to the hearts of their children.”

And that last remark expresses the real intent of the book. Dave isn’t encouraging us to speak to the heads of our children – only with words – he gives these principles context. [Read more…] about Review: Words Kids Need to Hear by David Staal

Divorce – Is It Really A Sin?

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In Defense of Divorce: Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life

Can It Be More Sinful
To Stay Married
Than Get Divorced

Divorce is a touchy subject and has been for a very long time.

General discussions on the topic will often generate friction – especially in religious circles.

When it happens between people we know, conversations are hushed as if something terribly sinful has happened.

Whispered responses and righteous posturing, however, serve no biblical purpose. It only evokes a sense of condemnation in those breaking-up and that, on top of the negative feelings already caused by the experience.

Heck, even people trying to support parting couples feel tainted.

But in spite of popular ideas to the contrary, divorce is not the bad-dy some people make it out to be and should not be viewed as sin. Divorce “may” be caused by sin but should never be considered a punishable or shameful offense.

Controversial statement, I know, but if divorce was a sin God would never have written it into law.

Remember this. Marriage was designed for sinless people in a perfect world. Those conditions no longer exist. The only marriage candidates left are sinful people and the world is no longer a museum of family values and virtue. We shouldn’t be surprised when marriages wobble and we mustn’t become judgmental when they fall part.

Marriage was NOT designed to handle the pressures brought on by one bite of the forbidden fruit. Something else was needed to do that – divorce.

Divorce was legislated as a means of alleviating some of the pressures. It is the safety valve, so to speak – the humane way of dealing with the problems that arise when two human natures – both sinful – are united in one relationship. Even when one person, for sinful reasons, decides they can no longer remain in the marriage, divorce is still a solution for the other. Who would want to stay where they aren’t wanted.

No, I’m not suggesting that every failure can now be excused because we are sinners. I’m saying that divorce, which is not a sin, was created as a means of graciously managing unbearable, sometimes unsafe, marriage situations.

And contrary to what is commonly suggested, the problems that follow a divorce are not caused by the divorce. They are only reflections of the pre-divorce state of the marriage and they are compounded by culturally generated condemning attitudes, usually condescendingly expressed, by friends and family.

Whatever we do in response to divorce should be helpful. Unfortunately, our responses often add to the hurt and divorce gets the blame. [Read more…] about Divorce – Is It Really A Sin?