NowTHINK!AboutIt

Good Parenting: Five Mistakes Parents Make

January 5, 2014 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Parents Guide Children
They Neither Design Them
Nor Own Them

When writing about parenting, it isn’t overstepping to assume that every parent wants the best for their children and plans to do everything in their power to make sure their kids have the best chance in life.

Any other attitude is the exception. Most new parents really care. You can see it in their faces. You can hear in their voices.

But the “Caring” thing makes us a bit vulnerable. It sets us and the kids up for a big fail. There are several mistakes induced by misplaced caring.

Mistake: Entertaining The Wrong Expectations

Because we care, we expect our children to succeed. That isn’t wrong to do but it is easy to over cook the idea.

We visualize their future. We even give the image detail: not just a doctor, we imagine, but the best doctor. A world class “whatever.”

Not very realistic. Only one person at a time can be the best at anything so expecting this for your child puts a lot of pressure on him or her and you.

Wanting to be the best parent possible is a valid aspiration. Expecting your child to be the absolute best at the particular occupation you choose is nothing but pure unwarranted presumption.

Even if this expectation was rational, it’s a mistake to think any parent could guarantee it. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Five Mistakes Parents Make

Good Parenting: Don’t Chirp

January 3, 2014 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Chirping Is Like Sniping
It Hits The Mark
But Kills The Target

Chirping was my Dad’s parenting style, and he did it a lot but don’t get me wrong. I mean no disrespect. I never doubted he loved me and he did many things to show it.

From what I can tell, though, many parents employ the chirp and they, like him, are really good parents in many ways. These are not bad people.

My father, for example, provided all the basic things a family needs.

A roof over our heads, good nutrition, access to good schooling, good medical care and great dental care. In fact, the dentist was the best in our city. No lie. I have fillings today that are over 50 years old. They will outlast the ivory. Also, to my great delight, every Christmas I got everything I wanted and more.

He was a good father but one area in which he didn’t do so well was chirping. That doesn’t mean he was bad. It means he was imperfect and that’s Okay because there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

I tried to honor him by remembering all the great things he did and there are many good memories. But I also honored him by trying to isolate his parenting mistakes and improve on them.

I’ve told my kids the same. Don’t mimic me. Copy the things I did well and improve on what I did wrong.

There’s nothing worse than a father who thinks he can do no wrong. Authenticity is a great relationship tool even between parents and children.

Well, as I mentioned, one thing my Dad did wrong was “Chirp” and he did it a lot. Here’s what I mean by that. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Don’t Chirp

Education Safeguards Against Divorce

January 1, 2014 by EnnisP 1 Comment

Marriage Is Not A Crutch
Partners Are Not Cripples

The famous line, “you complete me,” was said by Tom Cruise (Jerry Maguire) to Renée Zellweger (Dorothy Boyd) in the movie Jerry Maguire. The line stands out as one of the more memorable moments in a movie full of great philosophical content and unforgettable quotes.

It’s an idea we all get. It encapsulates a universal fact: no person stands alone. Anything you can do as one is made better by the addition of a soul mate – a person you admire, respect, love and are comfortable to partner with. Someone who completes you.

We usually refer to this second person as “better-HALF” because without them, as Tom said, we aren’t whole. The two reflect well on each other and when they find each other they embrace.

But there is a caveat. The value of what they are together is increased or decreased by what they are as individuals.

Let me explain.

Marriage Is Multiplication Not Addition But . . .

When two people marry, the outcome of their partnership – what they can accomplish together – is greater than the sum of the parts. It’s multiplication not addition. We understand that.

What we don’t readily see is that the outcome is still based on the value of each part. The Bride’s or Groom’s individual value doesn’t change at the wedding. A person can only add what they are to the marriage. Saying “I do” will not magically smelt gold ore into gold ingots.

What that means is this. Marrying too early, before personal development occurs, reduces the potential outcome.

Let’s put it in mathematical terms. If the groom has developed to the value of 4 and the bride to the value of 5 and marriage is multiplication, one multiplies the value of the other, the product is 20. They’ve combined their efforts and increased the output but their individual values haven’t changed.

Warning: If a person develops little before the wedding it is likely not to happen after. In that case married partners become crutches and non-developing mates lean and lounge.

So, to say it again. What a couple is as a pair is determined by what each one is as an individual. A few observations: [Read more…] about Education Safeguards Against Divorce

Divorce Laws Originally Designed To Be Punitive

December 31, 2013 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Without Love
Is Marriage Really Marriage?

There was a time in the not too distant past when divorce was treated like a criminal offense. To initiate the process, at least one mate had to be guilty and once guilt was established punishment was meted out. The laws were controlling and the outcomes were chaffing.

The process actually made things worse. If the parting couple was unhappy with each other before the divorce, they hated each other after and the feud spread. Friends and family got caught up in the hostilities too. Not smart.

How The Divorce Process Played Out

You can imagine how the scenario played out. One person, the petitioner, produced sufficient evidence to prove their partner was at fault and the effect of that is obvious. Not only would the partner feel smeared, there was also nothing they could do about it, that is, if he or she really wanted the divorce. An effective defense meant staying hitched. That’s how it worked. If the alleged fault couldn’t be substantiated the couple was sent home to live unhappily at odds ever after.

Get a FREE Kindle Reading App for any device (PC, Mac, Smartphones, Tablets) Amazon.com

The accused was between a rock and hard place. Either prove innocence and live with someone who doesn’t want you or accept the blame and be smudged for life. It was a LOSE-LOSE situation. [Read more…] about Divorce Laws Originally Designed To Be Punitive

Disparity In Drinking Habits Causes Divorce

December 27, 2013 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Disagreement Between Mates
Is Not A Minor Issue

Or so says NBCNEWS.com which reported on a study done by Kenneth Leonard, Ph.D., at the University of Buffalo.

Study data was compiled by following newlyweds over a nine year period and the conclusion was couples who consume alcohol at the same rate have a better chance of staying together than those who don’t.

Imbibing wasn’t the problem. Couples who abstained completely, rated no better on marriage durability than couples who drank heavily. It was disparity in the quantities consumed that made divorce likely.

Of course, the question is, why would a difference in alcohol consumption encourage divorce? The study provided no definite answers but the author said the findings give a couple of hints:

The difference may mean a couple is less likely to socialize together. Not a good thing since marriage is considered one of the closest of social units.
Different opinions about alcohol consumption suggests a lack of compatibility, the second most common reason for divorce, and it isn’t a minor issue.

The reasons for not drinking, or drinking very little, are often personal, even moral. That’s not a surprise. Alcohol has induced abuse of all kinds, automobile tragedies and relationship fails all of which leave indelible marks on those who live through or observe it closely. Partners with firsthand experience won’t easily accept a repeat of history.

To avoid getting into trouble early, wise individuals will ask the right questions before they say “I do.” They’ll also realize that getting married is nothing like becoming a missionary.

THINK!AboutIt