NowTHINK!AboutIt

“Wait Till Marriage For Sex” Not The Best Advice

December 26, 2013 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Sex Is Only One Element
Of The Partnership
We Call Marriage

Sexuality is one of those issues we aren’t sure how to handle.

We know it’s a reality. We know it is really nice. We know it is meant for our good but it also presents many problems. The kinds of problems we are too shy to deal with openly and thoughtfully.

The easiest way to end the discussion is repeat an age old adage that is overused in the extreme, “wait till marriage.” It sounds smart, it doesn’t embarrass and it avoids dealing with myriads of other uncomfortable questions. It’s also more palatable than finding ways to disguise feminine allure. The thought is “Take this one piece of advice and all problems will be solved.” Or will they?

Let’s look at a few of the problems and see if “wait till marriage” is really the best advice.

Sex is not easy to deny

It takes very little to stimulate a sexual response and once the juices are flowing it requires a gargantuan effort to avoid the temptation.

This is probably the biggest problem and the best advice we can muster is “wait till marriage” as if marriage is synonymous with “wild uninhibited sex on demand.” Every married couple knows that isn’t true but honesty isn’t the point. Abstinence at any cost is.

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This kind of shallow advice neither makes sense nor works. The adage doesn’t carry enough cerebral weight to overcome the passion of the moment so we need to think of another approach. [Read more…] about “Wait Till Marriage For Sex” Not The Best Advice

Which Child Is Your Favorite?

December 25, 2013 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Natural Ability Is Inborn
And Out Of Your Control

At the writing of this post, my wife and I have been married over forty years. It’s been a great ride. Lots of memorable moments and some of the best of those memories revolve around our children. We were blessed with two. Both boys.

The first was born a year and a day after we were married and the second was born three and a half years after the first.

And I must say, we could never have anticipated the nature of our kids. We tried. We visualized stardom in many ways but the visuals are long gone and they turned out quite different. They are both grown men now and we are still discovering new things about each one. And we are open to this. We now watch comfortably while they cycle through personal developments.

In the early years, however, we didn’t have this wisdom. They were different to each other – and our expectations – and we weren’t always sure how to interpret this.

One son, our oldest, wasn’t a star athlete but on a personal level he was engaging and a great conversationalist. It was incredible. He never lacked for friends.

He was a quick study too. Never had problems in the classroom.

People were drawn to him. When he was around there was always a group and a discussion. He was comfortable with himself and had the ability to make others feel comfortable too. He was charming and disarming.

The most amazing thing is he was always open with us. There was nothing he was afraid to talk about with Mom or Dad. If he had a problem, he would find a way to mention it. He was never the quiet withdrawn teen that many parents struggle with. He not only did what we asked, he believed what we said without question. He assumed we knew what we were talking about. What a pleasure.

Our second son, however, was different. He was quiet. He listened to us and usually did what we asked but he also like to figure things out for himself, which means he would gently push a boundary occasionally just to test the theory.

We know now that it wasn’t rebellion but we weren’t sure about that at the time.

And he didn’t talk about it either. When the four of us had a conversation he listened a lot. He was so quiet we would almost forget he was there. Even questions aimed directly at him didn’t really spur much of a response. We learned never to ask anything that could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

We weren’t sure how to interpret this. Did he have a bad attitude? Did he feel left out? Was he shallow? We even questioned our parenting skills. Were we lacking something?

We didn’t know the answers to those questions. We weren’t even sure which ones applied, so we were never quite sure what to do about it.

Any efforts to try and draw him out were met with consternation. He didn’t like it and closed off even more.

Again, I don’t want to paint the wrong picture. He wasn’t living on the dark side. As I said, he usually did what we asked. There were a few childhood hiccups, which we accepted as normal. The problem was we never seemed to connect.

We loved both kids equally but you couldn’t tell that by looking. The difference in personal interaction mileage between the two was noticeable. We engaged the one often. The other not so much. Any onlooker would easily guess the oldest son was our favorite.

But, one day something unusual happened. At the time it didn’t seem life changing but looking back it was monumental. [Read more…] about Which Child Is Your Favorite?

Christmas Story: Diversity In Belief

December 23, 2013 by EnnisP 1 Comment

Where A Person Is Headed
Is More Important
Than Where They Are

Historically, Christian groups have been a bit faddish. They promote favored ideas about God or mannerisms for living life and require all subscribers to adopt these ideas as a show of allegiance.

The system idiosyncrasies eventually become the identifying marks for the group. Everyone looks and talks the same. Stepford-like.

And, of course, many arguments are spun to justify the system – especially when countering systems emerge – to prove how right one is and how wrong the others are and hopefully win adherents to the cause.

But it doesn’t stop there. If the arguments are not convincing enough, fear is introduced.

The only way to heaven is through our beliefs and this organization. All noncompliant are condemned.

Emotional manipulation at its best or maybe I should say worst. Anyone who diverges is barred from membership or disallowed participation, which really doesn’t make sense for any group who claims to represent a loving God.

In some cases, it is only implied that non-compliant members MAY not get to heaven. They get a sideways glance or a look of disgust, which makes one feel condemned even if they are not. In other cases it is stated as fact. “No compliance” equals “No saving grace” which equals “No heaven!”

And in some cases, heaven is lost forever.

Do this one disallowed thing and you can forget about heaven.

Sadly, what is lost in all of this is “dialogue.” Fixed beliefs and fixed ideas about those beliefs translates into “no discussion allowed.” Even clarification isn’t allowed so don’t bother asking your questions. The position is, “accept the official statements and assume the posture, full stop.”

The clarifying questions aren’t allowed mostly because they shine light on the logical weaknesses in the arguments but it does little good to point that out. Beliefs, religious or not, have a way of locking the mind to logical input.

You might be wondering where I’m going with this. No, I’m not dissing the idea of holding firm beliefs. I hold some beliefs quite firmly myself and I haven’t come across arguments that would convince me to change. So, I’m not suggesting you give up your cherished beliefs.

What I am doing is encouraging you to change the way you view those who differ. Their beliefs may not blend with yours but that in no way means God rejects them. He may not agree with them on a few points but couldn’t we say that about everyone? Is there anyone you think God agrees with one hundred percent?

Of course, the next question is how do I justify this thinking and the answer to that question is found in the Christmas story. My argument stems from the diversity of all the characters in that story.

The richness of Christmas is developed through this diversity. The characters were very different and all imperfect but each one was used by God.

For example: [Read more…] about Christmas Story: Diversity In Belief

Christmas Story: Why A Barn?

December 22, 2013 by EnnisP 1 Comment

Status
Often Interferes
With Esteem

Most renditions of the Christmas story start here, in this world.

The angel visits Mary in her humble abode on planet earth, probably Nazareth, and Joseph has his dream in the same place. And nine months later they travel to Bethlehem where Jesus is born. It’s all based on earth and in time.

That’s how we tell it, anyway, but the story really begins a long time before and in a very different place. The details were scripted in heaven. They were prophesied in the Old Testament.

A lot of forethought went into this event and for good reason. This was more than just another birth. It was a birth-slash-transformation. It transitioned the God who is Spirit – and, therefore, everywhere – to the God who was bound by flesh. That’s why we call it an incarnation. Jesus’ conception was not His beginning.

But understanding that raises a lot of questions. If the event was well organized before hand why was Jesus born in a barn? Was that detail not considered? Was something left out?

Or did God mean it to happen that way?

Well, since we are talking about God and He has the power to control the details – and we have no reason to think He forgets anything – we have to believe He planned it this way. That means the only logical question to ask is, “why did He do this?” Why did He plan for Jesus to be born in such a lowly, out of the way and insignificant spot.

Before I try to answer that question, let me ask one. [Read more…] about Christmas Story: Why A Barn?

Christmas Story: Comparing The Supporting Characters

December 20, 2013 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Zacharias And Simeon
Are Similar Yet Different
Both Add Richness
To The Story

There are many supporting characters in the Christmas Story. Some have very short roles but they all add richness to the plot. Because they are diverse, they symbolize different types of believers.